Posted: 11 June 2008 at 10:49pm | IP Logged

Hi Jessie

i did the same i supressed my feelings for 8 years! i was desperate to try IVF, DH didnt want to, but i didnt want to destroy our marriage so supported his decision, begrudgingly! it ate me up inside! it really hurt when others announced BFPs....and talking about babies became a taboo subect between DH and I, apart from when we had to much to drink, then it would rear its ugly head! then i got a job on a paediatric ward 3 years ago, and spent time with girls in similar situations, ie going through VARIOUS LEVELS OF tx, i started reflecting and acknowledging i needed to talk to DH before it was too late to attempt IVF...I WAS really scared of his reaction, and of opening a can of worms, but  now i think if we hadnt of at least tried a huge wedge would eventualy driven us apart, despite the fact i loved him desperatley.

although we have been trying for 2 years now.....and still BFN...i feel that we have worked things through our systems! to the point we can NOW accept childless living!

I havent felt so happy and settled for a long time! its not until you feel good you realise how cra* you felt eh? the last 2 months i have just felt fantastic! done loads of soul searching,reading self-help books, personal growth, positive thinking, having fun, getting back my fitness and realising whatever happens, whether we go down road A or B we are gonna be just fine, its a win-win situation! we noe realise we have so much to look forward to, either way! and i leave mother nature to make that decision for us, i trust she will decide what is best for us. does that sound weird? i feel the pressure has gone and with my DH, family and friends....life will be great! i have turned the past two years into a very positive experience! so much good has come from all this. ..im learning to swim, finishing my degree, made new friends, appreciate what i have, im now so motivated and driven, i believe in myself and have confidence, all things i never had before!! and if we hadnt of talked or given IVF a shot we would always be left wandering what if?  we have done our best and realise what a fantastic 'rich' life we have! ... BUT..... it has taken me 15 years to reach this place!

so in a nutshell you need to talk!!!!!!!!! and know that you have done your best otherwise it will eat you up inside and could ultimatley affect your relationship. dont bottle it up like i did!

XXX